Who the heck IS Winnie?!
Winnie is a short little 80 year old ball of energy that I affectionately call Mom. That's good because she's my mother, plus Dad was already taken. Now, you have to understand, Winnie is unstoppable, with the heart of an angel, and she can talk to a total stranger as if they were lifelong friends. She will never take "no" for an answer, which she likes to call persistance, but I like to call it a royal pain in the arse. She would do anything to help someone in need, but don't get on her bad side because she will put the Winnie Whammy™ on you. I'm sure there's a story about that too, but more on that later. OK, enough about her, and as Winnie would so eloquently say, "let's get on with the show Buster Brown!"
Just what is a Winnieism?!
I don't think anybody really knows when or where or what the first Winnieism was, but rest assured it was gut-busting funny. The first one could have even happened in her childhood, and gone largely unnoticed except for the sound of laughter that is the by-product of every Winnieism. You see my mother has this endearing, sometimes silly, quirk of mixing names and metaphors in a funny way that is somewhat reminiscent of Archie Bunker mixed with Mother Theresa. The wrong things can be said with all the right intentions, which creates hilarious sayings that leave indelible marks on the life of Winnie, her family, and all the people she meets. Believe me, it is many.
What exactly was the first Winnieism?
Like I said before, we can't be sure of the first, but the first Winnieism that I remember involves the elementary school that I attended, Timberlake Elementary. I'm kinda fuzzy on the exact grade or age, but it was about 3rd or 4th grade ('72-'73) I think. I had this teacher that wanted to meet with my parents. Who knows what I did that time?! Well, this teacher's name was Mr. Crenshaw, and Winnie, in telling my dad about the pending meeting had turned this poor man's name into Mr. Crankshaft. After dad recovered from the laughter, and realized what she had said, it became an inside joke in the family and Winnieisms were born. By the way, Winnie unintentionally called my teacher "Mr. Crankshaft" right to his face! You can't make this stuff up!!
Are there more Winnieisms?
I'm getting to that. Around the same time (in my mind) there was another Winnieism born to the world. The year isn't clear, but the time was Christmas time, so that would mean my family would be at my grandparent's home in Erie, PA. So it goes that we were all sitting around enjoying some holiday cheer with Winnie talking away about someone and commenting that this person was "Mrs. Goody Shoetrees". She, of course, meant Goody Twoshoes, but it was too late, another Winnieism was blurted out for all to enjoy. This is also one of the "original Winnieisms" and is considered a classic by Winnieism scholars.
What does the future hold for Winnieisms?
Boy, you're a nosey son of a gun. Of course the future is bright for Winnie and Winnieisms. Word is spreading like wildfire as Winnie and her posse travel the continental United States, mingling with the locals and leaving in her wake a trail of laughter and amusement. Keep an eye out for Winnie and the bus every summer roaming the highways and byways of America, flashing pictures of her new grandson, and making up new Winnieisms along the way.